talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
