I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Randomize
