I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
