just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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