Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I AM VODKA MAN
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
