tonight lets celebrate not being married
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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