so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
