So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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