My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
