she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
