my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
my poor anus
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
