he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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