Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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