I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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