:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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