Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
