If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
