did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
