I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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