Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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