i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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