my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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