I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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