allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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