One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
