i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
