I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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