So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
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The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
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my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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