dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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