whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
