Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
