shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
