I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
