Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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