I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
