while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
