She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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