I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
