We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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