im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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