Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
