I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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