we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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