Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
