Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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