Jerry, you need to find god
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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