I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
