I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
