What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
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