I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
