2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
