You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
