I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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