at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
