Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
