yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my liver is dry heaving
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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