Your tits are I can't wait for
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
