Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
