I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
