mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
