I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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