I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
