saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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