I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
