apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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