I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
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Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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