You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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