Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
