I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
