i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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