I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
