So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
not ubering you a puppy
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
