fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
